Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
