9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
