what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
