what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
