While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
