just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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