Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
