I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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