I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
