I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
