it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
