whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I love you. Go after that dick
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