if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
