You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
