i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
