I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
