Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize