she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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