Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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