You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
