i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
