I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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