This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
