I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
