Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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