Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
