We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
