I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
