Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
