He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
