3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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