I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
