He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
