I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
