You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
