he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
