Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
