Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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