Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I intend to get homeless drunk
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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