New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
