Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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