I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
