Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
