Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
