ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
