The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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