I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
