You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My vagina is officially offended.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
