I think im going to throw up on grandma
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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