i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
