Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
